Is the heart divided?

A common misconception regarding polygyny is that a man cannot love more than one woman. This common objection has caused me to spend a good bit of time puzzling over how this is supposed to work and why God allows what seems an inequity. Recently, a solid answer has come into view.

In my early research and conversations regarding polygyny, I often heard the illustration that a man or woman can have a child that they love so much that they think they could never love another the same way. Then, a second child comes along and they love that one just as much and somehow their heart is not divided between the two, but the love is multiplied. And, it happens again with a third and so forth.

It makes sense, but, how?

Originally, I thought the hearts of men and women function a bit differently. However, recent studies in a related area suddenly explained it as I realized that the hearts of men and women are the same. What I was not accounting for was a key factor: God’s created order.

Recall, 1 Corinthians 11:3 is our clear and concise guiding verse that reveals:

God <- Messiah <- man <- woman

Culturally, we are ingrained with an idea of equality between men and women and an assumption that mutual love and respect are due. Such is not the case according to Scripture. I will address this momentarily.

Here’s a chart that we can use for illustration in our discussion.

Barring a sinful case of favoritism, we culturally assume that a woman with two or more children can love and treat fairly more than one child, yet somehow assume a man cannot do the same for more than one woman. We believe a man can love multiple children in fullness and fairness, yet believe that he cannot do the same for more than one woman.

The error committed by both culture and the monogamy only mindset is that the relationship between man and woman is based in equality, however, God’s created order says otherwise.

Notice in our illustration that Messiah loves, provides for, and protects multiple covenant relationships with men. Men, likewise, have the ability to love protect and provide for more than one covenantal relationship.

Interestingly, in the illustration, everyone has only one master! All can have one or more subordinates. And, therein is the solution!!

A woman who is expecting her head to love her exclusively as she loves her head/husband exclusively, is violating the headship model and order. The relationship between man and woman, even in a monogamous relationship is not parallel or mirrored.

We, as humans, are hardwired to understand that we cannot have two masters! Therefore, a woman’s understanding of her love for her husband does not take into account her innate understanding that he is her master and therefore must be singular. She cannot, therefore, comprehend that while she can only love one master, he can have and love more than one woman in the same way she can have and love more than one child.

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Matthew 6:24

Yeshua is saying a man cannot serve God and an idol, however, the principle of serving two masters holds!

Simply, man is created to respect and serve Messiah, while he is also created to be fruitful and multiply!! In the created order and in his hard-wiring, he is fully equipped to serve One and love more than one.

Woman, in like manner, is created to respect and serve her husband while tending to and caring for a bevvy of children. In her hard-wiring, she can only serve one master, but love many children.

Now, returning to the second illustration.

In the world, man and woman are generally regarded as co-equals, not demonstrated in the illustration above. But, the assumption is that ‘love’ is due in both directions. In truth, Scripture commands respect from woman to her husband while the man is commanded to LOVE the woman. Ephesians 5:23-33 most clearly points this difference in calling/role out while parallelling the image of Messiah and the Qahal/ Assembly..

Man and woman are a parallel picture of Messiah and the Assembly. Respect/reverence flows up, love flows down.

22 Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,…33 Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she reverences her husband.

Ephesians 5, select

A final thought, regarding a man loving his wives equally… Besides the fact that at no point is perfect equality or fairness ever commanded, each woman’s wants and needs can and do vary in a relationship. There is an ebb and flow.

Following is an insightful quote that addresses the necessary maturing of a man’s heart as he leads and guides his family.

Most men believe in plural marriage that they can love all wives the same or more than one; in theory that’s the goal but the heart needs time to be matured and trained to see that a man needs all his wives and not feel guilty about the ebb and flows of a heart. Like monogamy I believe a man can divide his heart in love but its not an instant thing or the second I’m called to plural marriage thing. If the heart is tender and led by the Ruach it does happen but don’t be disappointed if its not instant.

Moshe Koniuchowsky

I think what I wrote above helps to understand how the individual relationships with each woman will ebb and flow, but the man, if he is walking as Messiah, he will seek to treat each woman as the unique and special creation that she is with specific and unique needs and wants that she has. He must do so in balance, according to the time and resources Yah has given him, but he cannot be constrained by a possessive expectation that he ‘belongs to’ one or another woman. They have no claim over him. Only Messiah!

This is challenging territory, but it is important to grasp so that we can orient our lives according to the ways of Messiah and the Torah that will rule the Kingdom of kol Israel.

Shalom!!

Letters to my Sister Wife

April 7th , 2020 Tuesday 

To My Dear Sister Wife,

I decided to start writing down my journey from where I am right now in my life, to mine and Matthew’s end goal. The finish line if you will, where we find you. It is when God brings you to us. This process is not an overnight occurrence. This journal will be day by day, month by month journey. If God only has us on this journey to open our eyes to what His word says, to dig deeper into His word, to show others, God, through our life, then these letters will only be a journal for me. From where I started to where I am in the future. I pray maybe, I can also help shine a light for someone else and be of encouragement. 

Love, Jessie

Click here to see all entries in Jessie’s Journal.

Facts v Feelings

Invariably, the subject of headship and patriarchy elicits an emotional response, particularly from women, that borders on volcanic.  The feelings that explode to the surface quickly override the  facts of what Scripture teaches.

As a general rule, I have long taught my family that facts always trump emotions.  Or, another way I have often said it,  feelings will always fail you.  The reason is because feelings are subject to change. Facts are not.

Pretty much any subject can be taken and evaluated both emotionally and factually.  As an example, murder can be justified by feelings.  Maybe the perpetrator was just totally fed up with someone and hated their guts to the point that they commit murder.  They may justify it with their feelings, but in a court of law, the facts will show that they broke the law.  Facts will trump feelings! Continue reading “Facts v Feelings”

Reblog: That Might Work for You, But Not My Marriage

I do not normally reblog entire articles, but usually provide a link. I am making an exception for this article because it encapsulates so well the reason why we must recapture the proper roles of men and women in marriage as God designed. The Torah pursuant community is so serious about learning and walking in God’s ways, but retain a huge blind spot regarding what the Bible actually says about marriage, men and women.

We will be held accountable for truth in this area because it is foundational to the Restoration of Kol Israel. Calendars, liturgy and minute details about the Torah throughout Scripture are meaningless if we get the roles of men and women and family structure wrong. Simply, Torah cannot be walked rightly if headship and patriarchy are not right at the very foundation.

Here is the complete article from BiblicalGenderRoles.com with a few of my comments at the end. While he supports most points from the Brit, everything is supportable from the Torah.

That Might Work for You, But Not My Marriage

November 13, 2019 / biblicalgenderroles

“BGR, (my wife and I refer to you as Bigger Guy, phonetically pronounced), Just a word of encouragement, we decided over a year ago to switch the dynamic of our marriage to a more Biblical approach. Your blog has inspired a lot of the changes that we have implemented. We were “happily married partners” for many years. Since the change, our marriage has grown and flourished like never before.

Continue reading “Reblog: That Might Work for You, But Not My Marriage”

Why is this so hard?

Paradigm shifts are rarely easy. And, for those on the cutting edge, they can be particularly difficult.

Many readers are in some stage of ‘coming to’ or beginning Torah observance, and the whole process is challenging. But, why? In theory, this should be easy, right? Read the Scriptures. See truth. Walk in it.

As humans, we tend to act like pack animals. We have way too much of a herd mentality. Deep inside, whether a lie of the adversary or voice from our flesh, we do not want to be different or perceived as ‘outside’ the fold. We even know that Yeshua clearly taught that following Him was the antithesis to crowd following.

Yet, we follow. Comfortably. And, justify it.

In truth, this should be simple, but we make it hard. Too, hard. We should simply say, ‘Abba, You call, I haul! Just show me truth in Your Word and I’ll walk in it.’

That’s it! No dickering or negotiating. No checking with men and their doctrines. No worrying about what the neighbors or family members will say.

Just see it, believe it and walk it out.

I pray each of you cease to negotiate the price. Stop trying to find the easy path. Give up on pleasing the folks around you. Just focus on the Word and what it actually says.

Selah!

Salt or Sugar?

“How can we be the salt of the earth, if we keep sugar coating the message?”

Gary Moore

(From Kelly’s Facebook page…)

No doubt, we need to be compassionate in our delivery, but we should not avoid the hard truths or deeper topics simply because they are unpopular or politically incorrect. Every prophet and apostle, as well as the Messiah, spoke truth to their own detriment. We should be so bold.

Selah.

Do we REALLY accept Torah?

Now it will come about that
In the last days
The mountain of the house of the Lord
Will be established as the chief of the mountains,
And will be raised above the hills;
And all the nations will stream to it.
And many peoples will come and say,
“Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord,
To the house of the God of Jacob;
That He may teach us concerning His ways
And that we may walk in His paths.”
For the law (Torah) will go forth from Zion
And the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.

Isaiah 2:2-3

Do we really accept Torah?

This awakening to Torah that is happening across the planet is amazing, messy, crazy and fascinating. Clearly, Abba is up to something, because there is no other explanation that fits this phenomenon.

Still, do we really accept Torah?

No doubt, this is a process. We are learning and the understandings are varied. There is no monolithic opinion or system, though many try to control or direct it… I myself am guilty as I share what the Father and His Word teach me. But, do we really accept Torah?

Continue reading “Do we REALLY accept Torah?”

The Moving Cloud and Difficult Truth

1520474035530_image1743873661.jpg

Numbers 9:15-23 explains in detail the travel habits of the Children of Israel in the wilderness.  The abbreviated version is that they followed the Pillar of Cloud.  When the Cloud moved, they moved.  When the Cloud stood still, they camped.

Some camp locations were mere days long. Others, like Kadesh Barnea, were lengthy, up to 19 years.

Imagine having lived in a location for a year or two and the cloud suddenly moved.  You would have had to make the decision to move or to stay.  While most moved, I am sure that there were those who, at every move, decided to stay put.  Kadesh must have been the hardest!  Houses had been built, stables had been fortified and even orchards planted and harvested from.  Then, boom!, time to move.

This Hebrew roots/Messianic walk is much like that journey through the wilderness.  We’ve been pulled out of Egypt in a glorious but difficult awakening, Continue reading “The Moving Cloud and Difficult Truth”

Exciting new book: Ten From The Nations

Dr. Rivkah Adler, Ph.D., is about to publish a book that I am very excited about!!

unnamed

For roughly half of the book, each chapter is a testimony from a broad swath of non-Jews telling their story about how they (we) came to Torah.  The balance of the book is Jews who are aware of and facilitating this Torah awakening in a variety of ways.  This important work embraces the breadth of this movement towards Torah by Christians who now self-identify as Noahide,  or Hebrew roots believers as well as converts to Judaism.  Sample chapters are available at the Ten From The Nations website.  I strongly recommend checking out the website and subscribing for updates as we eagerly await this exciting volume!!

Stay tuned for more on this upcoming book!!