About me: I am a 1st wife who is about to embark on opening up my heart to plural marriage. I am fully submitted to God’s leading in my husband’s life as we move towards our search for a second wife. I was not brought up embracing this kind of lifestyle. I was not exposed to it even in the church. Imagine that. Those stories are never told. I grew up as an Independent Fundamental Baptist and my family and I still currently attend the same kind of church. Only 2 years ago God opened the door to polygyny in my heart and mind; He hasn’t closed it since. Full disclosure – I have tried to close it many times with everything I can muster.
It wasn’t until the beginning of this year 2020, God had really placed this upon my Husband, Matthew’s heart and oh boy, I was NOT ready for this kind of news, nor was I even on the same page anymore. I didn’t realize what a traumatic toll it was going to take on me. Where before it was nice, happy thoughts we “joked” about often, especially, when I could have used an extra hand. I mentally CHECKED OUT! In reality it was my worst nightmare. Freddy Krueger’s Nightmare on Elm Street had nothing on this. I’d have willingly checked into one of the hotels there and could have had a semi decent life running from deaths door at this point. I could even go as far as to say I think I wanted to be done with religion all together, maybe become atheist, try my best to avoid God and avoid this topic all together. It got real and it got really scary, pretty quick.
It wasn’t until I had many purposeful, tearful, sometimes angry talks with God that He told me this was His will, not Matthew’s. Matthew was just following what his purpose was, as he walks in faith daily and seeks out the truths in scripture. He told me to learn to temper myself and even though anger and fear was a normal human reaction of the flesh He wanted me to “Be still and know that I am God.” In time many scriptures continued to flood my soul. What are you wanting Lord? Why this? Why NOW? I have only had monogamous relationships, grew up learning monogamy was the only and correct way. I am almost 40 and Lord this seems silly for ME. Why me? And the only answer I ever get to these questions are the fact that we are His Elite. Let that sink in. How beautiful that is.
I had no one to lean on and no community to help me embrace this journey. I felt so alone. I just wanted a friend that I could connect with so badly. I needed prayer, I needed encouragement. There were times I needed a shoulder to cry on and even more times that I needed another Godly individual to tell me I wasn’t crazy to go through with this.
God eventually allowed me to find the friends many of which have come to my aid through divine appointments. But before that came about, he purposefully had me alone for a short season while he spent a lot of one on one time with me. Teaching me to trust him, trust the truth, and trust his will. During my solo journey I dug deeper into scriptures and questioned my own reasoning. I always returned to a place of spiritual grounding. Each time, I had to fight my flesh, fight the enemy, and walk through fire. I eventually came to a place of peace. I’m calling this time in my life “1st wife in training”. I have not received my diploma just yet. I am still in my season of training.
God put it in my heart to start writing. This is my journey. God’s will be done. Not my own.
I aim to write down my training and my journey to help more women just like myself. Are you in your own season of struggling to accept Polygyny as God’s will for your own life? I couldn’t imagine what mental anguish 1st wives are putting themselves through without a friend in the world to lean on. A Godly friend that won’t steer them away from the truth. God continues to bring what I need. I believe it is for the purpose of helping out other 1st wives on their journeys. I hope it blesses and encourages and to God be all the glory.