Practical Patriarchy: The “My Man” Myth

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine…”

Song of Solomon, 6:3

The average person in western egalitarian Christianity misunderstands the ‘my’ in ‘my man’ leading to a foundational error in man-woman relationships. So, buckle up and let us ponder something that will help us return to the ancient paths and walk after the King!

Is there a difference between a man saying, ‘my woman’ and a woman saying, ‘my man?’ Have you ever thought about it?

Scripture says there is a big difference in how we should understand those and it is of great importance.

² But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.

1 Cor. 7:2

My woman. My man. Easy, right?

Not so fast.

The underlying Greek is quite a bit more precise. It says,

² δια δε τας πορνειας εκαστος την εαυτου γυναικα εχετω και εκαστη τον ιδιον ανδρα εχετω

1 Cor. 7:2

Now, I know most readers do not read Greek, I barely do, but this is pretty easy to understand. εαυτου is a reflexive pronoun indicating ownership or possession. She belongs exclusively to him. ιδιον on the other hand does not denote exclusive ownership, rather, it denotes belonging to as in,

And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own ^G2398 city.

Matt. 9:1

‘He’ doesn’t ‘own’ the city. He belongs to the city. Similarly, when a servant says, ‘my master,’ they do not own the master, but belong to the master.  However, the master can say, ‘my servant’ and indeed mean, ‘the servant that belongs to me.’

Such is the consistent message throughout scripture of the relationship between a man and his woman. In fact, there is no word for ‘wife’ in Hebrew. The text always demonstrates ownership. A direct translation would be something like, ‘Sara, the woman of Abram,’ or ‘Abraham’s woman…’

Western cultural feminism has warped our perspective of Scripture such that we try to reinterpret Scripture in an egalitarian frame, contrary to clear teaching. Paul exactly frames this in 1 Corinthians 11:3 where he gives the order of authority: God, Messiah, man, then woman. He further affirms the order in Ephesians 5 and 1 Timothy….

Because God established this order, we break it on pain of violating the Torah, recently demonstrated in my article titled  How many ways does Monogamy-only Break Torah.  The relationship order God established can no more be broken than the force of gravity or the rising and setting of the sun. Trying to break it has consequences that are severe including the outright destruction of humanity. (Witness the cultural disaster and continued freefall of morals and ethics caused and fueled by feminism, absentee fathers, divorce, sexual revolutions, etc… The root is sin evidenced in abandonment of Biblical patriarchy. But, I digress.)

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine,
He who pastures his flock among the lilies.”

Song of Solomon 6:3

We began with this in our discussion of the ‘my man’ myth.  Have you ever read just a couple verses later in the same chapter?

8 “There are sixty queens and eighty concubines,
And maidens without number;
9 But my dove, my perfect one, is unique:
She is her mother’s only daughter;
She is the pure child of the one who bore her.
The maidens saw her and called her blessed,
The queens and the concubines also, and they praised her, saying,
10 ‘Who is this that grows like the dawn,
As beautiful as the full moon,
As pure as the sun,
As awesome as an army with banners?’

Song of Solomon 6:8-10

Make no mistake.  The woman in this passage is unique and very special.  But, she knows very well that she does not ‘own’ her man. He is ‘my beloved,’ but it is because she belongs to him and is safe in him.  All of Scripture attests to this simple truth, a truth that affects how we understand the husband-wife relationship, but also prophecy, how communities and fellowships function, how we will be gathered and restored, what the relationship is between the house of Israel and the house of Judah, what the relationship is between the Messiah and the congregation/kol Israel, etc… 

The matriarchal/feminist idea that a woman owns or has control over ‘her man’ is a violation of Scripture and a recipe for trouble and even judgment. Isaiah 3 makes this point.  The result is extreme judgment against men leading to a great shortage and a severe humbling of the women.  Isaiah 4 tells ‘the rest of the story.’

We must get this right!! Isaiah 3:10 is a refuge!

Say to the righteous that it will go well with them,
For they will eat the fruit of their actions.

Father, cleanse us from false doctrines and inherited lies!! Cause us to walk in Your paths the way You designed them.  Lead in the path of righteousness!!