As a recent Patreon supporter for Eric Conn’s Hard Men Podcast, I not only have early access to his exceptional episodes, but I can also listen to his private ‘Ask Me Anything’ episode each month. Questions can run the gamut of things that men deal with, one of which is taking care of and providing Godly husbands for daughters. Conn dealt with this very question in last month’s episode.
The question he was posed by a member asked if there is a shortage of Godly men and if so, how best to find a righteous spouse for his marriageable daughter.
Conn’s answer was jolting as he cited statistics and the gravity of the situation. Indeed, there is a shortage of Godly men, and ‘the more Orthodox or pious, the fewer men.’ While Conn cited multiple sources for his opinion, his primary source was an article by Institute for Family Studies titled Sex Ratios in the Pews: Is There Really a Deficit of Men in American Churches?
And what’s the gender ratio among those more pious Christians? For every 100 eligible women, there are 85 eligible men. In other words, large shares of devout Christian women will have great difficulty finding a similarly, or even passably, devout Christian romantic partner.IFS article
This information is not new to our readers, and indeed, the statistics are sobering! We’ve addressed this point on multiple occasions including Where have all the good men gone?
Conn offered excellent advice to the questioner about how to find a quality man for his daughter detailing that it will take considerable work and commitment with no guaranteed result. He advised a multifaceted approach using great intentionality in the search, but he never solved the riddle. He admited 85 men per 100 women is a tough ratio and even postulated that the ratio may be much worse. But, he only told the man how to increase his own odds for his own daughter while leaving 15%+ of women in the lurch!
Within the paradigm of Christianity, particularly Orthodoxy, single women have two choices:
- Find a righteous single man for marriage, or
The challenge is that because women were created to be fruitful and multiply and because they are created by God to be a helpmeet to a man, their natural desires will drive the majority from celibacy toward marriage causing them to either, choose an unsuitable single man and sacrifice their own piety, free a suitable man from a marriage bond (thereby sacrificing their piety), or live in celibacy against their nature and against Scripture.
11 But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married, 12 thus incurring condemnation, because they have set aside their previous pledge. 13 At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. 14 Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;1 Timothy 5
Paul , here, recognizes the dangerous ‘cocktail’ of single women in a congregation. The passage gives the solution, single women need to marry!
Orthodox Christianity agrees, but they don’t understand the solution to the riddle. Like Eric Conn, they say, ‘Look harder. Pray harder. Be smarter in your search….’ and other ‘fluffy’ encouragement, but they still leave 15% of single ladies, by their own statistics, hanging out to dry.
Are we not broken enough for our single sisters to actually seek out the solution from Scripture? Are they destined to never hold their own baby or are they required to look outside the Body of Messiah for a man who cares more for the world than for the Gospel? Are we so calloused or fearful that we can’t hear their cries and stand for what Scripture actually says instead of man-made doctrines that violate the very character of God?
Scripture offers a tough but Biblical solution that requires we care for righteousness and others more than we care for our own reputation. The Scriptural solution requires real men with real spines. And, it requires standing boldly so that the single ladies looking can take hold of the righteous option that Scripture allows! Every woman can (and should) have a Godly man!
Scripture clearly allows polygyny. It is the solution that Paul offers and is the way to give every single woman righteous and Godly options! Polygyny solves the ‘divorce cocktail’ in most all evangelical churches, and even more interestingly is the inoculation against matriarchy and feminism. Further, as spelled out in this paper, the mere introduction of the topic introduces a radical move of sanctification in all parties. Simply, it is a radical carrying out of patriarchy and a bold move toward the restoration of kol Israel!
Indeed, righteous single women have a tough choice, but the bigger question is whether men will have the spine to stand for truth and walk in it!