April 10th, 2020 Friday
Dearest sister wife,
I wanted to start this journal/letter about a week ago. Writing things down helps me think more clearly. I have not always been this way; it is something I just recently started doing, and I wonder if it is my age. Almost being 40 causes a lot of change in one’s character, I suppose. I am currently in the back seat of our Toyota taking my mind off of Matthew teaching Jamie to drive. I have earbuds in listening to Pandora and writing to you, so I can’t hear what’s going on. I’m too busy writing to look up and see how I might end up dying! My life these days feels like I have no control of anything.
I guess the point is, I NEED TO LET GO. Let life happen. Walk in faith and truth. God and Matthew are leading me to be the strong woman I am meant to be. Oh great! I just freaked out as I felt the car slowing down behind an Amish family in a horse and buggy, Jamie had to pass up. Oh, my soul! Sigh, we didn’t hit them. Thank you, Lord! I did end up speaking out in freak out mode though. I did what I said I wouldn’t do before we started the driving lesson. I freaked out. I can’t turn up the music loud enough, can’t keep my head down in writing long enough, to do what I set my mind to do. To submit myself in silent stillness and allow Matthew to be the one leading Jamie in her driving lesson. I guess she is not the only one taking a life lesson. Boy, I still have to work on me, I see, but I knew that, I always know that—another reason for these letters.
Click here to see all entries in Jessie’s Journal.